Why Push Tactics Don’t Work: The Neuroscience of Pull
Bottom Line Up Front: Ever wonder why pushing at people makes them back away? It’s part of how we are designed. Push energy triggers your mind’s defense systems, making you want to exit stage left. That limits any chance of communication or connection. On the other hand, pull energy activates curiosity and opens doors. It entices and helps others to want to connect and join with you.
Most of us default to push because that's what we've been programmed to do - by society, by desperate marketing tactics, by AI trained on aggressive internet content. Here’s how this simple shift changes everything.
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You’re scrolling through your emails and notice one titled "Quick question about your website."
Thirty seconds later, your jaw is clenched and your shoulders are up around your ears, as some stranger bombards you with everything you're doing wrong and how much money you're hemorrhaging.
You want to reach through the screen and throttle them.
That surge in your gut? That's rage. Your mind telling your body to prepare to fight back.
That's what happens when we push at most people. In those short seconds while you scanned that email:
Your amygdala - that ancient alarm system - detected someone trying to control your choices.
Before your conscious mind even processed the words, your brain triggered psychological reluctance.
This isn't you being difficult. It's hardwired survival programming that kicks in faster than conscious thought.
The moment someone tries to dictate what you should think or do, your mind blocks the message and shifts to attack the messenger.
Your Mind's Anti-Persuasion Armor
We all know that push energy. I feel it a lot these days. A world filled with pushy bots, people and hidden disruptors trying to tell me how to think, feel, believe and act.
That instant internal "F You." The unexpected drive to punch them through the screen, or in the face, in the most extreme cases. Then, the revulsion to want to just run away. Far away.
Here’s a fact. We experience GREATER reluctance when people try to control our thoughts compared to our behaviors.
A 2019 study found that thought control, "You should believe X" or "Smart people think Y," triggers more anger and resistance than someone trying to control what you do.
Why? Your mind assumes they'll try to control your behaviors too. But not vice versa.
Research from 2024 found that aggressive persuasion doesn't just fail; it entrenches opposition.
Translation: Push at someone's beliefs about their business strategy? They become MORE committed to that exact strategy.
Every push creates an equal and opposite push back. It's physics. It's neuroscience.
How to Use Push With Pull
Randy Gage is a great example. He tells people that their poverty consciousness is destroying their lives. "Your net worth will never outrun your self-worth." Direct hit to the ego. Yet people pay him thousands to hear it.
If you said the same thing? They'd unsubscribe, block you, maybe report you for harassment.
Why?
Because Randy earned the right to push by sharing decades of vulnerability first. He shares his food stamps story before he points at your limiting beliefs. He admits his own poverty consciousness infected him, cost him millions, and took him decades to overcome.
He doesn't start with what's wrong with you - he starts with what was wrong with him.
When he does push, he balances it with pull. Every statement about a limiting belief you probably hold dear comes with a question that makes you curious. "At what point do you draw the line?"
This is the blend that works for our minds, and our connections.
Push without pull is assault. Pull without push is manipulation.
Gentle push that starts about Your experience, Your flaws, followed by a pull of your story of finding better answers, now that opens the mind and creates a connection.
So do questions. Forget the statements. Ask the questions.
The Pull Energy Your Brain Craves
Now think about someone who shares something interesting and gives you space to lean in - or not.
Pull triggers curiosity, which is like a drug your mind craves, like your body craves cocaine.
For all the Neuroscience Geeks: When someone makes you curious, your mesolimbic dopaminergic circuit lights up - the ventral tegmental area, nucleus accumbens, hippocampus all firing together.
For the rest of us humans: This is the same reward system that activates the desire for food, sex, and money. Curiosity literally feels rewarding at a neurological level, just as those basic needs.
Research from 2022 found something remarkable: When you're in a high curiosity state, you learn faster and more deeply about EVERYTHING.
A curious mind is an open mind.
Even better, pull energy activates completely different brain regions than push.
Your prefrontal cortex (PFC) is split when it comes to motivation.
Your left PFC is your approach system - moving toward rewards. Pull energy activates the left PFC. You become an attractor, naturally moving toward what interests you.
Your right PFC is your avoidance system - moving away from threats. Push energy activates the right PFC. You become a repulsor, pushing away whatever's being pushed at you.
The important point: With pull energy, your body literally leans in. Your chest opens, breathing deepens, shoulders drop as your mind begins to generate questions to learn more.
Isn’t that what we want from a conversation? An open mind wanting to learn more?
When I started in tech, I sold honking big mainframes against IBM. They were the masters of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt (FUD.) They made chumming competitive waters with FUD an art form. Translation: It was hard to sell against IBM FUD and their swaggering power as the behemoth.
I sat down and captured all their FUD statements. I researched the truth and documented it. Then I geared up and went to PUSH back. BAD IDEA. Nobody listened, and a few prospects ran for the hills.
I changed my course. Instead of throwing the evidence in their face, I took a new tact. I asked them questions, with their best interest at heart.
“I wonder why they say that. I wanted to be sure you had the facts. I found interesting independent information. Would you like to see it?”
Guess how that worked? They grabbed that info so quickly. I took a big step into a trusted advisor role.
Here Come the Pushy, Aggressive AIs
Every AI system trained on the internet has been programmed with push energy at massive scale. The combination of clickbait headlines, aggressive sales pages, angry social media posts and desperate email campaigns formed its baseline.
I actually had three different AIs argue with me that attacking and aggressive was the best form of human communication when it came to writing and promoting content.
Their evidence? “Rebel, all the internet content we read points to aggressive and strong statements as the standard for human communication.”
Heaven help us.
Why do people (and bots) use this form of communicating? Because we latch onto it. Out of FEAR.
Aggressive content hooks your amygdala. Triggers your threat response.
You engage to defend or argue. Stress hormones flood your system.
Your mind spirals into negativity. You can't stop scrolling even though you're getting angrier.
The algorithm notices your engagement and serves you more of the same.
And we just get more and more of it, and more and more worked up. Exactly where the powers that be want us.
The solution? Walk away. When you recognize push energy - human or artificial - don't engage. It only hooks you into negative spirals that exhaust your mental resources and train the machines to push harder.
And in your own business? Consciously choose pull over push.
In a world drowning in push energy, pull is your competitive advantage.
Breaking the Habit of Push
Every interaction you have triggers approach or avoidance. There's no neutral.
The shifts are simple. Often it’s as simple as asking a question vs making a statement.
For example:
From “You need to understand..." to "I'm curious what you think about..."
From pointing out what's wrong to wondering what's possible
From attacking a current state to creating intrigue about the future
From telling to asking
From needing them to say yes to being genuinely okay with no
The neuroscience is unequivocal.
Push activates our defense systems. Pull activates our reward systems.
One creates enemies. The other creates possibilities.
Here’s a question for all of us living in this aggressive world.
What would happen if you uniquely pulled instead?
Homework for those who want to explore the Power of Pull
This week, catch yourself as you begin to push.
Notice when you're about to tell someone what they need.
Stop.
Ask a question instead.
Create curiosity instead of pressure.
Watch what happens when you pull instead of push.
What patterns of push energy are you ready to break? Reply and tell me what shifted for you.