IS IT TIME TO INVEST IN YOU?
I spent most of my life investing in everything but myself. Sure, I traveled all over the world and climbed big mountains, skied steeps and deeps, and dived into the ocean in strange places. That wasn't an investment in me as being my number one priority. That was an investment in my adrenaline junkie self to escape the stress of the 100-hour weeks.
As I speak with women while I'm working on my book, I’ve come to realize I wasn't the only one investing everywhere but in ourselves.
Think about your last week. Not the highlights. The real week.
Did you fix someone else's work? Maybe you shook your head and started taking notes in that meeting because it was pretty obvious nobody else was going to step up. Maybe you organized that lunch, proofed someone's customer proposal, or brainstormed process improvements for another department. You know the work I'm talking about. The work you do because it has to get done and somebody has to step up.
You're not alone. Professional women spend 200 more hours every year on non-promotable work than men do. That's five full weeks or ten percent of your work year. It wasn't spent on the work that gets you noticed, promoted, or paid more. You gave your time, experience and energy to the work that keeps everyone else running smoothly. Most likely, nobody noticed.
Volunteer Be Me
When I first realized how much of that kind of work I was doing, my initial reaction was to blame my clients. They made me do it because they wouldn't do it. Deep down I knew the truth. Nobody made me do it. I volunteered.
Women are 48% more likely to volunteer than men for non-promotable tasks. We raise our hands before anyone even looks our way. We are coded to do just that. Every one of us was trained that being helpful, being the one who holds it all together, being the ultimate team (actually supporting) player is how you get ahead. It’s how you prove your worth and earn your seat at the table.
Team player is one of the most effective penalties in The Game.
It's a beautifully packaged fib from The Game, one we've been believing our entire careers. After all, it sounds like praise, feels like recognition. It’s anything but.
Promotions and bonuses rarely go to the woman who cleaned up after the meeting, saved her friend’s project or brainstormed someone else's work on her own time. The person who invested their time and energy in their own careers and projects won that Game.
I followed that damned Game promise for a lot of my career. I was the golden girl who could do it all. And did. Whatever anyone asked, I delivered it. I wore that like a badge of honor. I was proud of never saying No, never dropping a ball, never letting anyone down.
I was also indignant about it. I blamed everyone and everything I chose to support. Until I finally confronted the responsible parties. Me, Myself and I.
I was giving away my most valuable currency. My time, my expertise, my energy, my ideas. Handing it all out like it had no value. Then wondering why everyone treated it exactly that way.
I wasn't investing my time. I was giving it away.
Sound Familiar?
Here's what I've learned after 35 years of playing this Game. We don't have a work ethic problem. We have a strategy problem.
We're playing their Game following their rules. Rules that were never designed to reward all of the extra work we give.
The good news is that once you see The Game for what it is, you can't unsee it. Which means you can change how you play. Not by becoming less generous or less capable. By getting strategic about where you invest yourself.
Here’s the first step. Recognize that every hour you give to someone else's priorities is an hour you don’t invest in your own. That’s a rule we were never taught. Learn it starting now.
Then, learn to say No. Even better, learn to look away without offering at all. How do I say No? I don’t apologize, I redirect. I simply state what is on my priority plate, noting that I have to focus on just that.
It took time and practice to do that without feeling like I was letting the world down. I was reprogramming decades of coding that told me supporting others was part of connection and belonging.
When I made the shift, I felt better about myself and my grumbling ceased.
The Bottom Line
We don't need to work harder. That’s a rule The Game created to keep us thinking and acting like supporting players.
We need to play smarter, recognizing that working hard was never the path to winning. It is the path to staying exactly where they wanted us.
The Game Rewards Investors. Not Givers.
Your time is your most valuable currency. Is it time to start strategically investing it in you?