We All Make Mistakes With Our Boss

We all make mistakes with our boss. I’ve made some doozies with clients and bosses through the years.

I’m not talking about the mistakes in decisions, project deliverables or managing your team.

I’m focused on the simple mistakes. The mistakes that stand between you and that promotion, that raise or the killer project.

When you stop making these mistakes, you will have way more power and influence with your boss. Your boss will want to work with you, want to listen to your ideas and just plain want to help you succeed.

So what are you waiting for?

Here are just a few.

Not taking the time to create Influence. The unconscious mind determines whether we like someone, or not. Within the first 10-15 seconds we’re together. Your boss does exactly that same thing. So rushing into a conversation before you woo that unconscious mind is not the most productive approach to getting what you want.

Every single time you communicate with your boss, you need to take the time to establish Influence, or rapport.

Here are 3 things to do before you begin any conversation:

Notice your boss’ posture and body position. Then, mimic it. If his head is tipped to the left, tip your head in either direction. If her legs are crossed, cross yours. Match and mimic his or her body position before you begin to talk.
Listen to your boss’ voice. Is she talking loudly or softly? Does he rush through the sentences or take his time? Match your boss’ speed and volume of speech when you do begin to talk.
Listen to the words your boss uses to describe whatever subject you’re about to discuss. Then, use those words. Not yours. You bosses words. Whatever they may be.

These 3 simple techniques will help you get into a place of unconscious influence with your boss. And oh, by the way, they also come in handy with hotel agents when you need a room and they are sold out, or with that rental car agent that doesn’t have a car. I ended up with the Presidential Suite and a Lincoln in place of an economy rental car.

2. Assuming they are like you. Our minds are wired to assume that other people think like we do. We’re always wired to assume that others agree with us. We all make mistakes thanks to this inherent expectation. Boy, does that get us in trouble! We end up assuming everyone is thinking like us so we poorly communicate, make all kinds of assumptions that are usually inaccurate and totally miss the chance to understand what our boss’ think is critical.

Instead of jumping right in to your idea based on your perspective, open with a question. “What do you think is most critical about this <insert topic here> ? What’ are your critical priorities?” Then shut up and listen. Your boss will give you their keywords (so you can use them as you present,) as well as his or her critical issues that you want to focus on as your first priority.

3. Assuming you’re a priority with them. I wish I had a dollar for every night I’ve spent tossing and turning, thinking my boss was upset about this or that because of a side look or lack of a “good night.” REALLY?

The reality is your boss is not thinking about you. We all make mistakes thinking that he or she is focused on us. The reality is so different. He or she is thinking about themselves. That’s what we humans do. We focus on our perspectives, our needs, our to do list. Your boss is not focused on you, unless you’re a problem. If you’re doing your job well, you’re even less of a priority in your boss’ thoughts. That’s a good thing.

Many of us bring a bit of our mother/father programming to our boss. We want to please, we want to be appreciated and rewarded. Here’s a truth. Your boss is not your parent, nor does your boss dote on you like a parent. If you want to be a priority to your boss, do your job so he or she NEVER has to focus on you. Then you’ll be a priority when it matters – when that promotion or raise comes up for review.

4. Selling them on an idea the way you like to be sold. We all assume we have to sell others on our ideas. Then we proceed to sell using the exact logic, techniques and information we would want to know. Given that we are all individually programmed and as unique as snowflakes, that approach means we miss about 85% of our audiences when selling “our way.”

Instead, ask your boss about a decision he or she made recently. Ask them what information they took into account, how they analyzed the information, what they were looking for. Then match your pitch to how they think and decide. They’ll tell you when you ask. So ask. Just do it before you have to present that idea so you can plan ahead.

5. Complaining or whining about pretty much anything. As I’ve said, our bosses are not our parents. And they surely don’t want to hear about your problems. They have their own. They have more people to worry about, more deliverables to track, more of everything than you do. So shield them from your stuff. Deal with it.

Which leads me to another point. Bosses don’t like women that complain about being treated unfairly, not making enough money, or women that raise the “mistreated woman card” as a trump in meetings or other critical points. So stop doing it. If you need to bitch – complain to your friends over cocktails. Leave your boss out of it.

The Bottom Line

We all make mistakes with our boss. When you use the above tools to stop making these mistakes, you will have more power and influence with your boss.

Your boss will want to work with you and want to listen to your ideas.

Your boss will and just plain want to help you succeed.

So what are you waiting for?